nUeVe’07’s Blog

this is not mine but i really like the story..

its been 4 months since i saw him and talagang
namimiss ko na siya… pero what can i do? it
seems that i have loved the wrong person…. but
still the pain keeps on hurting me and kung
walang magbibigay ng gamot para dito sa
nararamdaman ko…. baka mamatay na ako….

to give you a background about my life, everthing
seems to be fine except dun sa time na dumating
na sa buhay ko yung hinayupak na lalake na
yon…. hehehehe…. kung curious kayo about dun
sa guy… bestfriend ko po yon kaso lang iba na
ang nangyari as time passes by…..

classmate ko sya nung highschool. pards pa nga
ang tawagan namen…. o db ang sweet? di na ako
iba sa kanya and ganon na ren sya sa aken….
kung di nga lang ako naging babae baka naiuwi na
ako nun sa bahay nila and baka lahat ng gawaing
pang brusko eh ipagawa na nun sa ken eh….. pero
cyempre mukha pa ren naman akong babae noh!!

highskul cyempre may prom…. wala cyang date,
wla ren ako…. i know that he wanted to invite
me to be his date pero ang ogag nga kasi nun kaya
the last minute tsaka lang sya nag-ask. he went
to our house… nakamotor po sya and medyo
pawisan pero infairness…. mabango pa ren….

he ask my permission to see my dress fo r the
prom…. cyempre para maloka sya sa aken at may
konting surprise… i refuse…. o sige, medyo na
frustrate sya pero hindi yon naging hadlang para
invite nya ko…. sa ganda ko na to….. cyempre
ang dami munang pa-echeng…. hanggang sa
tanungin nya ako kung may date na ba me…. e
kung di ba naman siya abnormal eh…. papayag ba
akong makipagdate sa iba eh sya lang ang gusto
ko…. lam mo yon… sarap sampalin…. so in
short, papilit pa ba ako? syempre…..

the night of my life came, i was so pretty sabi
ng nang-uuto kong nanay… pero naniwala lang ako
nang sya na ang nagsabi…. blush ako ever….
kahit alam kong maganda ako since birth(hehehehe)
iba pa ren yung sa kanya galing diba?

we enjoyed that night and lalo ko lang
napatunayan sa sarili ko na mahal ko na pala ang
hinayupak na bestfrend ko……

syempre ano pa ba ang sunod na event sa prom
kundi ang graduation na db? the night before the
graduation, we talked on the phone na para bang
it would be the last time na maririnig namen ang
boses ng isat-isa….. ive waited for the moment
na mabanggit nya na may feelings din sya and
hindi naman ako nagkamali…. tinanong nya ako
kung may possibilty daw na maging kame…. i know
na maiinis kayo sa ken dahil alam nyo ba ang
sagot ko? ah, eh…. hindi pwede kase bestfrends
tayo eh…. yung mga anak na lang naten yung ipag-
partner naten…. sa isip-isip ko…. ang tanga!
pano ko nasabi ang ganong words? pero wala na
akong magagawa….. alam namang bawiin ko pa eh
di nahuli naman ako db? pe ro ang tanga ko
talga….

cyempre college na…. im so proud to say na
napunta naman ako sa magandang school and take
note… pare ho kame ng skul….. ano to?
kailangan bang ituloy ang naudlot na pagmamahalan
namen?…. hehehe….

nagkaboyfriend ako for a year and a half….
minahal ko sya pero there are these conflicts and
problems na di na kayang ayusin…. in short….
nagbreak kame…..

i guess god meant that to happen kasi yon din
yung time na nagkita kame ng bestfrend ko….. sa
sobrang miss namen ang isa’t-isa…. sabay na
kameng umuwi, kumain, pumasok….. im happy pero
parang lalo ko lang pinahirapan ang sarili ko
dahil my feelings for that guy grows each and
everytime that we are together… buti na lang
magaling akong magtago at magpigil…. hehehe….
bilib kayo noh?…..

one morning, im so busy preparing my project that
would be pass on that same day…. alam kong
dumating na sya at nasa likuran ko na ang mokong
pero dahil sobrang pressure sa project…. gusto
ko man syang dambahan… cyempre mamayang gabi na
lang di ba? hehehe…. di ko sya masyadong
napansin…..

may inabot syang sulat sa aken and he asked if i
could join him sa lunch…. i said yes…. then,
alis na cya…. alam naman kc nyang im busy…..

when i was about to enter the room, somebody
bumped me and my precious project fell… gusto
ko mang magalet… what can i do db? instead i
ask my prof to give me another chance to do my
project…. naalala ko si mokong…. the lunch
date…. kinuha ko ang cell ko to text him that i
cant come to our meeting…. e kaso…. pag
tinamaan k nga naman ng malas…. check operator
service daw…. i tried to look for friends or
other kakilala pero malas that day talaga….

and so i took my lunch all by my self…. naalala
ko yung letter…. hinanap ko sa bag… WALA !!!!
bumalik me sa corridor praying na andon pa yung
sulat…. wala ren…. god! why? minsan lang
magbigay ng sulat yon…. nawala pa…. dont know
how to tell him about the letter….

and so days and weeks passed, pag nagkikita
kame… di nya ako pinapansin… ako, i tried to
talk to him pero alam kong may kasalanan ako pero
ganon ba kalaki ang nagawa kong di pagpunta at
ganon na lang ang iwas nya?… sige… hinayaan
ko na lang….

months na ang binilang… i heard that he was
dating a girl from the same school that we are
in… masakit…. na sa iba ko pa narinig na sila
na…. mas masakit na wala na akong halaga sa
kanya…..

basta… ilang araw din yon na ganon ang
nararamdaman ko…. weeks…. months….
gagraduate na po ako…. i wonder what’s instore
for me in my last day in school…. and so i
thought na puntahan yung favorite hang out
namen…. when i was about to get near the
place…. i saw him… with the girl…. umiiyak
ang bruha but i cant hear what they are talking
about…. so ive decided to get out of that place
before my tears burst out…. and then a common
frend ang sumalubong sa aken…. saying na buntis
ang girl…. syempre…. durog na durog ang puso
ko…. kung kaya nyo lang ma-imagine yung
naramdaman ko…..

the night of that same day…. naloka ang lola
nyo…. nagparamdam ang mokong pagkaraan ng
pagkatagal-tagal na panahon… i thought it was
something good for me… for us…. pero i was
wrong…. so wrong….. he gave me a wedding
invitation and isa ako sa bridesmaids….. the
girl… she was waiting in the car…. o db? dati
motor lang ngaun… car na….
gt;
and so the wedding came…. maganda po ako
nun…. sabi ng nanay ko pero wala ng nagsecond
the motion eh…. so naniwala na lang ako sa
nanay ko…. then, there was this professor who
c ame to see me…. he handed over a letter with
my name carefully printed on the enveloped…. he
said that he looked for the owner of that letter
kaso lang po malaki po ang skul namin kaya
mahirap magkahanapan db? and so nung nakita nya
ang name ko sa invitation, he decided to bring
the letter thinking that it could save souls…
daw….

and so i was about to open the letter when the
priest ask kung sino daw ang tututol… dedma
ako…. alam namang manggulo pa ko noh….

binasa ko na ang letter….. nakakatouch po
talaga…. he opened up his feelings for me….
hoping na meron din daw akong feelings for
him…. he ask that i f i will show up to our hang-
out the next day after he gave his letter, then
it means that i also have feelings for him and
that he would love me for the rest of our
lives…. but if i wont…. then he will never
open that topic again…. he pleaded to me na
sana pumunta ako… …

if only i have that letter…. if only i knew
about it…. kung di lang ako clumsy and carelss
to keep that letter… things would be
diffrent…. if only…..

and so i heard the priest announced the couple as
husband and wife…. ang sakit……

picture taking….. gusto mang sumabog ng
nararamdaman ko…. as you know…. magaling
akong magpigil…. pero masakit po talaga….
sobra……

after the picture taking…… niyakap ako ng
bestfrend ko…. ang higpit…. and teary eyed
nyang cnabi na….

i still love you…….

once i had a dream

impossible it seems

when i woke up

i try to smile and laugh

after a while, tears run down

instead of smiling i frown

the dream was too good to be true

in the dream, its just me and you

i talk to my friends

narrate the story till the end

even the lines he left

“hove i told you i love you?” he said

the dream haunt me like darkness

i know its one of the best

but how could i be so lonely

maybe the dream is not for me

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: Not really

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No way

Girl: What would you choose: your
life..or me?

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and
the boy
runs after her and says…

The reason you never cross my mind is
because
you’re always on my mind. The reason
why I don’t
like you is because I love you. The
reason I don’t
want you is because I need you. The
reason I
wouldn’t cry if you left is because I would
die if you
left. The reason I wouldn’t live for you is
because I
would die for you. The reason why I’m
not willing to
do you anything for you is because I
would do
everything for you. The reason I chose
my life is
because you ARE my life.

1. “Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya..”

2. “Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba.”

3. “Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang.”

4. “Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na.”

5. “Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin.”

6. “Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din.”

7. “Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang.”

8. “Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa.”

9. “Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang.”

10. “Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una.”

11. “Hindi porke’t madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa.”

12. “Huwag magmadali sa babae o lalaki. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o gwapoo. Totoong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka.”

13. “Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority.”

14. “Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida sa script na pinili nya.”

15. “Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo.”

16. “Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala”

17. “Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan”

18. “Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lng yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!”

19. “Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal…nakakatakot mahulog…at kapag nahulog ka, it’s either by accident or talagang tanga ka..”

BORING..!!

kaboring tlga ung sembreak…wlang baon, wlang kakulitan, wlang gala..

haizzz…sna tpos na sembreak…

ilang araw p….hmpf…sna may “miracle” n manyari

n_n

Nagising nalang ako isang umaga,naramdam ko parang my kulang.kumain ako ng almusal, nakausap ko na lahat ng tao sa bahay, pero bakit ganito parang ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko.pumasok asko sa trabaho ng-iisip parin, muntik na ng akong matisod sa kakaisip lang nito. tinatanong na ako ng mga katrabaho ko ano daw ba meron sakin bakit ang tamlay ko, sabi ko hondo ko alam, di ko maintindihan. alam mo ba yung pakiramdam na parang may malaking butas sa sarali mo. tipong merong kailangan makapuno? yuna ng naramadam ko nung araw na yon, gusto na ngang sumigaw, magwala, malay ko ba kung ano lang ito.Pero hindi ko ginawa, hindi naman dapat.mga bandang tanghali pagkatapos ng tanghalian, tumawag siya alam mo na siya, yung lalaking minahal ko buong buhay ko pero iniwan ako para sa ibang tao, wala lang nangamusta lang. Labas daw kami pagkatapos ng trabaho, nagisip ako ng mabuti, kung papayag ako o hindi, naisip ko ano ba namang masam, nasa malayo naman nagtatrabaho ang girlfriend niya, parang malalaman diba? natapos ang araw sobrang excited ako, sinundo niya ako sa trabaho, kumain kami, nagusap, binalik ang nakaraan, sabi ko lang wag nang pag-usapan may sariling buhay na siya, masaya narin ako sa buhay ko, kaibigan nalng maibibigay ko, ang drama pa nga sabi niya mahal pa daw niya ako, kumpara sa bago niyang girlfriend, mas mabait daw ako, mas maintindihan, mas understanding, sabi ko nga aba eh bakit mo sakin sinasabi yan, ano ito bolahan, natawa lang siya kahit hindi nakakatawa, nainis nga ako di ko nalng pinakita, pero kahit na nag usap kami nandun parin yung malaking butas nararamdaman ko parin, hanggang sa naisip ko baka kulang lang ako ng pagtawag sa kanya, pero hindi naman kasi madalas ako tumatawag sa kanya, siguro naman kilala niyo na kung sino yun. naglalakad na kami pauwi, papunta sa auto niya, nakalimutan ko kahit sandali ang kulang na nararamdaman. napatawa pa ako sa mga biro niya, napalo ko pa nga siya sa kaktawa. nang biglang nag-ring ang cellphone ko.. kapayid niya umiiyak, sabi ko bakit kasama ko kuya mo, pauwi na kami. bigal siyang natahimik, tinanong ko kung bakit, at dahan dahan niyang sinabi.. “paano nangyari yun eh si kuya nadisgrasya, na total wreck sasakyan niya.. ate patay na siya” nabigla ako hindi ko maintindihan paano nangyari na patay na siya eh kasam ko pa??? pag harap ko sa likod ko… nandun parin siya, ganun parin suotn niya pero duguan na.. napaluha ako, ngumiti lang siya at sinabi na..” naramdaman mo na ba yung pakiramdam na parang may kulang hindi mo maintindihan kung bakit?” napa oo nalng ako habang patuloy na lumuluha.. “papunta ako sayo ngayon, dahil gusto kung sabihin na ikaw pala yun, yung kulang sa buhay ko.. gusto ko na sana pakasal tayo.. pero diba sabi ko naman sayo kahit anong mangyari gusto ko bago ako mamatay ikaw ang nasa tabi ko’ tapos bigla nalang siyang nawala.. bumigat lalo pakiramdam ko. napaupo ako sa lapag, wala nalng akong nagawa kung hindi umiyak.. bakit kung kailan lahat ng sinabi niya tama sa pandinig ko, hangin nalang ang lahat ng ito…

nbasa lng kung san2

i made this poem(nung wlang mgawa sa english period)

mahal nga bang maituturing?

kung lahat ay gagawin

kahit masaktan ang sarili

ipagwawalang bahala at di iisipin

galit ba ang paiiralin?

dahil sa sitwasyong di kaya sagutin

tatalikuran ang pangako

dahil sa di maintindihang puso

ngayon ako’y litung-lito

puso’y di maintindihan dahil sa yo

ano nga ba ang gagawin?

iwasan ka o aking ibigin…

ndi akin tong story…tragic kc kea ko nagus2han

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him.
Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…
“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.
“I can’t”
“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment
grabbing me.
“No… I am going to meet a friend…”
He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all.
He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why…
Then one day…
Me: Um, Jin, I …
Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…
Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Jin…
Jin: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What’s this?
Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted… “Wait…”
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.
“I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday
After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.
He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…
Me: I don’t need it.
Jin: What….why…
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
“I’m sorry”
He apologized in a tiny voice.
He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!
But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…
Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted…
But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
“Jin, move!”
HONK~!!
“Boom!” That sound, so terrifying.
That’s how he went away from me.
That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…
“One…two… three…”
That was how… I started to count the dolls…
“Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty
five…”
It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…
“I love you~, I love you~”
I dropped the dolls,shocked.
“I….lo..ve…you??”
I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
“I love you~ I love you~”
It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach,
that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much…
“Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…”
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…
For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life…